Five by 5
by Xionin
Summary: Updated 8-22! This is a series of interview-ficlets conducted by Andrew after 'Chosen.'
1. Spike

**Title**: Five by 5: Spike – first in the Five by 5 series.  
**Author**: Xionin  
**Rating**: G  
**Pairing**: Buffy/Spike.  
**Feedback**: Pretty please?  
**Disclaimer**: ME dropped the ball. I picked it up.  
**Summary**: The first in a series of interview ficlets conducted by Andrew after 'Chosen'.  
  
Five by 5: Spike

  
OK, here we go...me first.

I got to know him really well, yep we were close. Had some good times:  
Road trips...Bloomin' onions...yeah, good times.

We had a lot in common, which is surprising since he was, like, a hundred years older than me or something. We were both evil villains that wanted to redeem ourselves. OK, so what I did pales in comparison, but it doesn't make me any less guilty. I mean, at least he could blame the things he did on having a demon inside. The only person I can point a finger at is myself. Good ole Andrew: super-Dork, worst friend in the world.

Sorry...Sorry, I'm not supposed to be sulking. This isn't about me, this is about Spike and what he meant to me and the nice things he did. So...let's see...

Spike was...he was who I want to be when I grow up. And I don't mean the vampire part.

Silly!

He was a bad guy that chose to be good despite everything in his nature.  
He was strong and witty and loyal.

...

  
He'd never have done anything to hurt the people he cared about.  
He'd never have hurt Buffy or Dawn...or even me, but especially Buffy. 

Gosh, he sure did love her.

I mean...he never said it...not out loud, er, not to me......but you'd have to be, like, blind not to see it.

He was so devoted to her. Stood by her side when the others turned against her. When we were on our last mission, he was itching to get back to Sunnydale. He just knew that she was in trouble. They had this amazing connection.

Ahhh...so romantic.

He was like a kinda anti-hero, fighting against his own kind to save us all.  
So, I guess that's how I'll remember him: my anti-hero. 

-------------------------------

Uh...well...he and I didn't get along too well. I hated him, actually...most of the time. Sometimes he was ok, but then he'd do something evil...something so...

Anyway, I don't know why you want me to talk about him. This is for Buffy, right? Ok...I guess I'll try to think of something nice to say.  
...  
...

I'm still thinking, ok?

...  
...  
Alright, alright, he...did a coupla nice things that I remember. He...he stopped Caleb from taking out my other eye. That was... And he was pretty good with Dawn, looking out for her, when Buffy was...gone. Still not sure about all that.

I don't give it much thought, to be honest. I know Buffy saw something in him, and I guess that should've been enough, but it never was. Not for me, anyway, and not for Giles either. Maybe it was a woman thing. Willow and Tara had a soft spot for him too, I think. Tara, well, she was just Tara: all sweet and willing to give anybody a chance, but I didn't get Will. I mean, he tried to kill her, for Christ-

Sorry.

Look, I'm...sorry he's dead...for Buffy. I'm sorry for her because they had some...bond or something...and I know she's hurtin'. So, Buff...I'm sorry you lost him. I won't say I don't think it's for the best, but you know...

Wait...I guess...there's another thing...he did. Something nice. He...apologized, to me. There was this thing that happened with him and...him and Ahn.  
...  
...

God I miss her.

...  
...  
Uh...anyway, he apologized for it. I didn't accept it, of course. But it was big of him...to do that. To own up to it. He knew I'd never forgive him. I don't think he was looking for forgiveness, not from me anyway.

He was a strange guy...er...demon or whatever. Can't believe he died fighting _with_ us.  
Still hate him, though.

Mostly.

---------------------------------

We were, like, best friends once.

Then he hurt us...hurt Buffy. I never forgave him for that. I think she did, but I...I guess couldn't give him another chance. I just didn't understand how she could look at him, let alone help him after he-

But...I think she did forgive him somehow. At least they seemed okay...at the end.

Actually...I could tell you a lot of nice things he did, but I'd rather tell you about something else, if you don't mind.

When Buffy came back from being, well, dead - that first night, Spike was there. I was so excited to have her back, you know? I was bouncing off the walls. She was so quiet, I didn't notice how scared she was. And then Spike came barreling in, yelling at me for leaving. He was kinda lookin' out for me then. He was like a...big brother. A big, overprotective, vampire brother: go figure.

Anyway, I'd helped her get cleaned up and stuff and we were upstairs when Spike got home. I ran down, trying to tell him what'd happened, but he was so angry. I think he was afraid I'd gotten hurt.

I guess he really did care.

I mostly thought he stayed with me to be close to Buffy somehow.  
Some days I swear I think he would've walked straight into the sun. I don't think he knew that I'd noticed, but I did. Her...dying...was hard on all of us, but it was harder on him, I think. We all had each other and he had...

Well, anyway, when Buffy came down the stairs, I watched him watching her. At first he thought she was the bot, you know? But when he realized it was her and...wow. I mean WOW, wow. I was the one worrying then. He looked like he was going to cry or pass out or something.

He'd been sorta stalking her before she...left...and telling her he loved her and stuff. It squicked her out big time, but they were sorta friends after that. I knew he had a crush on her still, but the way he looked at her that night. It was like...the room disappeared or something and all he could see was her.

I was talking to him and he didn't even hear me, not really. The only thing that brought him back to earth was that he noticed her hands. They were all bloody and stuff, from fighting I thought, but he knew. He just knew, somehow, that she'd had to claw her way out of her coffin.

He was so gentle with her. I'd never seen him that way before. I haven't seen him that way since. It's just so hard to compare that Spike with the one that attacked her, but I guess you can't. And when he came back with a soul, well...

Maybe I should've...tried...to talk to him a little. Maybe?  
...   
I feel...it's like...and I can't...

I'm sorry, can we stop now?

---------------------------------

Look, Andrew, I simply cannot do this right now.  
I don't really have anything to say concerning Spike.  
...  
...  
He was trouble from the first day he stepped out of that London alley.  
He was a monster. I don't bloody well know why he tried so hard to be a man.  
...  
Buffy...she was...misguided, well, I thought she was. I guess, in the end...

She won't tell me what happened back there. Barely talks to me anymore, really, and I can't say that I blame her. I just wish...

Right. Something nice about...Spike.  
...  
...  
...  
He didn't leave. He stayed and fought with us. That's something, I suppose.  
Now please turn that blasted thing off!

---------------------------------

Tara saw something in him, so I tried to see it too. And I did. See it, I mean.

He was so different from...from Angel; didn't brood so much. He loved life. He had all of these stupid habits, I mean, he smoked! Come on! Why would a vampire want to smoke?

Why would a vampire eat spicy wings o-or mix Weetabix in his blood?  
Why would he watch soap operas or hang around with people?  
Or fall in love with a one?

_How_ could he fall in love?  
Why would he protect all of us even though we...

We were really mean to him, not that he didn't deserve it, but we were even mean when he didn't deserve it. Everyone was, except Tara.  
If Tara saw something there...then there had to be something. Right?

OK...something nice that Spike did.

Well, when Oz left, he was kinda...nice...to me. Sympathetic, even. It was...weird, but i-in a good way.  
He...I dunno...tried to make me feel better. He did that a coupla times, I remember.

Haha, I remember this one time he tried to bite me. No, it was funny really, because he couldn't. The chip. Anyway, I was...what...upset? I thought he wouldn't bite me because I wasn't 'biteable' enough. He said something, I don't remember what it was now but...he basically said that I was good enough to eat.

Believe it or not it made me feel..._good_...how nuts is that?

He was like that though, more often than not, trying to help in his own way.  
...  
...   
He really loved our Buffy. I believe that now. I think she knows that too.  
I just wonder if she knows how much _she_ loved _him_.

Poor Buffy.

Anyway, I think this is really sweet of you, Andrew. She'll thank you for it one day, when she gets around to watching it cause...you know...not so much for the reminiscing right now.

So I'll thank you for her. Thanks.

-fin-


	2. Sunnydale

**Title:** Five by 5: Sunnydale– second in the Five by 5 series.  
**Author:** Xionin  
**Rating:** PG  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike implied.  
**Feedback:** Pretty please?  
**Disclaimer:** ME dropped the ball. I picked it up.

Five by 5: Sunnydale  


I wasn't there too long, but it sure made an impression on me.  
Being Principal over the Hellmouth will learn you a lesson or two.

Before I went there, I considered myself a pretty accomplished demon hunter.  
Heh. Little did I know...

Buffy's averted more apocalypses than I ever want to see.  
That girl is...she's something else. And Faith...well...  
If I hadn't gone to Sunnydale, I wouldn't have met her and I think I'm glad that I did.

All my life I've felt...I don't know...like I needed to _do_ something. Like I needed to carry on the torch that my mother bore. Of course, I was also hell-bent on getting the bastard that killed her.

Yeah, well...

He was a bastard, alright, but...uh...I'm not sure why but...he surprised me, Spike did. Not what I expected at all.

...

Funny...he ended up being the hero of this melodrama, didn't he.

...

So Sunnydale brought me hurt and suffering but also closure on a very long, very painful chapter in my life. It also brought me possibility, which is something I didn't have before.

Things are...seem...plausible, now that I didn't think ever could be for me. I don't wake up every morning with revenge on my brain, you know? I have that overwhelming sense that I've failed somehow. Failed my mother.

I think I'm actually...a little...frightened. There's a future out there somewhere.  
So, I guess there's nothing to do now but face it.

-----------------------

I'll miss the Bronze.

I had my 21st birthday all planned out. We'd go to the Bronze, maybe rent it out or something for me and all of my friends and have, like, a huge bash. Buffy would give me some of her clothes because, you know, by then she wouldn't be able to fit them anymore and she has...had...the coolest stuff.

Sure, I went to the Bronze a few times, but it's not the same. I wanted to have my first legal beer there. Like a tradition or something, I dunno. Going there and having a beer with my friends would've made me officially grown up. I don't know where I'll do that now...or who I'll be with.

Oh! And I'll miss the Magic Box. A lot. There was just something so cool about being there. So much happened...and I always thought I'd work there, you know, for real. I mean who better, right? It would've been the perfect after school job, and Anya could've...

...

I'll miss my house the most, I think. My room was tiny, the bed was too small, but it was all mine. I could go in there whenever I wanted to and close the door and be...alone. On my own with no one bugging me. Well, at least that's how it was until all of the other girls arrived. After that, it wasn't my room anymore. Pfft, it was barely even my house.

I'll miss the kitchen too. It was...nice. Reminded me of mom whenever I walked in. Sometimes? Sometimes when I walked in there, I could smell hot chocolate.

I miss her so much.

Wow, I can't even go visit her now. Or Tara. And Spike...

Oh God...everything...everything's gone!

What are we going to do now?

------------------

Sunnydale w-was a second home to me. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it's demise.

Relief, certainly, that the Hellmouth, o-or that particular Hellmouth, is closed permanently.  
I also feel...a tremendous sense of loss. Needless to say, the thought that I'll actually miss that dreadful place causes me no small amount of distress.

Still...it was home to a lot of us for quite some time. It...held a lot of memories.  
Many, many horrible ones, yes, but also some very good ones.

Some quite extraordinary things happened there and it does sadden me that there will be no record of them, save for what I document in my journals.

I can't help but feel some small amount of pride at having taken part in this chapter in history. For, although the average person will never have any knowledge of the events that took place in that particular part of the world, those of us that deal in..this sort of thing, will never forget the name Sunnydale. And, I dare say, all of us involved in that battle will have our names etched into the history books for having fought valiantly to rid the world of the First.

Yes. We should all be proud and remember Sunnydale with bittersweet fondness. I think we all learned quite a bit about ourselves and about the people closest to us. They were hard lessons, true, but invaluable ones.

Were it not for Sunnydale, I would not have Buffy i-in my life, nor Willow, nor Xander, nor Dawn. And they...a-are my family.

I supposed I won't miss Sunnydale too terribly because I have the best part of it here with me on this bus, Andrew. And that includes you as well.

----------

I miss the tree under my window.

I miss my back porch.

I miss my basement.

I miss that big oak in Sunnydale Acres, the one with that thick, low-hanging branch.

I miss moonlight patrols.

I miss the Bronze.

I miss Mr. Gordo.

I miss my Mom, Andrew. So much.

...

And I miss _him_.

God how I miss him.

-----------------

You wanna know if I'll miss Sunnyhell?  
Why would I? Didn't really offer me much.

I mean, yeah, B and the Scoobs...and Robin.

But there was _so_ much bad mojo in that place, man, I say good riddance!

...

I guess...I guess I did learn a thing or two while I was there.  
So that's something, right? Made me who I am and all that crap.

Ok, alright, so I have a soft spot on my ass from getting dumped on it so much while I was there.  
Happy? Just don't expect me to be boo-hooing over that shithole.

...

Just, eh...listen...go easy on the others with that camera, ok?  
They lost a lot more than me...and...just don't go poking around inside their heads too much, k?

Thanks you're a good kid.

-fin-


	3. Slaying

**Title:** Five by 5: Slaying– third in the Five by 5 series.  
**Author:** Xionin  
**Rating:** G  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike implied.  
**Feedback:** Pretty please?  
**Thank you**: Maribel, I'm running out of words to describe how wonderful you are! ;]  


=Five by 5: Slaying=

It is such a rush. I've never felt so alive!

I've been preparing for this all my life. Training with my Watcher; sparring.  
Getting strong. Getting ready. And now it's here. It's

I _love_ it. This, right here? This is what I was born to do. I'll be damned if I'm not gonna enjoy every moment of it.  
And hell, I think I could be as good as Buffy one day.

Maybe even better.

With Willow by my side? Definitely better.

---------------------------

To be completely honest, it makes me sick to think of the way the Council manipulated the Slayers over the centuries. What makes me even angrier is the fact that I so blindly followed their rules without ever really questioning their motives or methods.

Over these last seven years, however, my eyes have slowly been opening.

Buffy was never one to follow orders, and I am damn glad she didn't. Her headstrong ways have saved us all time and time again and this latest battle was no different. Her plan was bloody brilliant.

Should've been done ages ago.

I have beenextraordinarily fortunate to have Buffy as my charge. Of course, at times, I wasn't always so appreciative of herindependence, but I have learned so very much from her. Quite often it was difficult to discern who was the student and who was the teacher.

Our relationship is very unconventional, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't think that I will ever have any children. And even if I do Buffy will always be a daughter to me. I'm extremely proud of her.

----------------------------

How do I feel about slaying? Well

It'sscary, but kind of a thrill. I don't know if I can handle this much power. It's really overwhelming.

I guess it takes some getting used to. I meanKennedy? She's beenof all this. Not like the rest of us.

God! If someone had told me that vampires were real and, not only would I end up sort of living with onen-not that Spike wasn't cool and allbut if someone told me I'd be part of some super army fighting against a horde of vampires? I'd have laughed myself silly.

Now, thoughgeez.

Yeah, I think it'll take some getting used to. 

----------------------------

Sometimes it's a burden on yourconscience, taking a life. But you can't think of it as 'life' or else you'll go insane. All I think is 'evil.' Evil must be destroyed. That's my job, mycalling. I alone.

Only I'm not alone anymore.

I know I wasn't completely alone, not with Willow and Giles and Xander there to back me up. Butwell, Faith and I were talking about it theother day; a slayer is always alone.

No one can understand what youor what you don't feel, I guess. And even with Faith in the world, I was still alone. Well, aside from the obvious reasonsI suspect we didn't get along because we weren't supposed to. We weren't supposed to be here at the same time. So now that we have all these little slayers all over the place, what now?

I know what we did, spreading the power around, was a good thing. It wasn't right to withhold it from all of those girls born into this. ButI wonder if given the choice what those girls, the ones that weren't in the Hellmouth with us, I wonder what they would have chosen.

We took a vote. 'Power by proxy', Kennedy called it. I guess that's what it was. We asked the girls if they would choose. And they did. They chose for everyone.

Godtalk about your trial-by-fire. But they did good. They reallyhelped. In the end though, we wouldn't have been enough to stop it. We gave it all we had. _Everything_ we had. But in the end it was Spike. He came through.

How ironic is that, huh? I'm a vampire slayer. We. _We_ are vampire slayers and we owe our lives, and the lives of millions and billions, to a vampire.  
A very specialvery uniquevery much loved, vampire.

There was never anyone like him, and there never will be again.

It'll be hard, I-I think it'll be hard for me to slay. Every one of them I kill, his name will echo in my head. And that's bad, Andrew.  
That's reallyreally bad.

Maybe I'll just help with the training and stuff. II don't think I'll ever be in top form again. Too much has changed. Too much was lost. I think I'll just concentrate on me and on Dawn.

I couldn't stand to lose any more.

-----------------------

"Slaying is a superpower, for sure. And now I'm surrounded with all of these powerful women, it's really exciting."

"Yeah it is, Andrew, but they're not superheroes."

"Of course they are, Dawn! _God_your sister? _There's_ a wonder woman if ever there was one."

"Uh, well, yeah: Buffy's different. She's earned the title, I suppose. But the others? I mean even Faith hasn't really paid her dues. She has a lot to make up for, all the bad she did. But she'll be a bona fide, white hat, heroine if she stays on the right path. The rest of them? They have to _earn_ the right to be called a slayer, in my opinion. And work really hard to ever be called a 'hero'. I hope they don't think they got a free pass just because they got the power. They have to learn how to use it and then earn the _right_ to use it."

"I guess you're rightI guess we have our work cut out for us too."

"We?"

"Wellyeah. I wanna help. I have some atoning to do too, you know."

"That'sthat's very admirable, Andrew."

"Shucks, wellyou know me: noble miscreant-turned-sidekick. I'm willing to fight the good fight."

"I'm glad you're sticking round."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."  


-fin-


End file.
